Ø Short fuse – anger management
o As discussed, I get angry pretty quickly. Utah drivers used to get me insane, but I’ve learned to live with that. I took the perspective that any one of those drivers could be an old lady from church and I need to be nice to them.
o Things at work that you might think were simply part of my job responsibility get me pretty angry sometimes. Things that seem obvious or easy become complications when other people get involved. I never yell at anyone or even get angry with them (I hate the idea of hurting anyone’s feelings), but I yell at my monitor or complain to my friends about it pretty constantly.
o At home, my fuse is generally the shortest. At times, I feel like I have good reason, but sometimes it’s for things that are pretty small. My thought here is that I expect more from them – they shouldn't be stupid like everyone else – so I get angry quicker.
o In general, I really just don’t like other people. Other people do things that annoy me, almost constantly, and I hate the little annoyances.
o When I get a bad headache, I lose all emotional control. Crying easily at sad TV shows (my grandfather is the same way, so I’m sure I get this from him), getting very angry ant even small things. It isn't pleasant, but it’s an easy way to tell if I have a headache. I can even take ibuprofen and caffeine, kill the headache, but still have this effect.
o Tension and stress headaches were always pretty common with me, even when I was a little kid. Eventually, in my early 30’s (I’m 40 now), I woke up with a migraine that never went away. After seven or eight years, a chiropractor finally got me to a state where my shoulder, neck, and scalp muscles could relax, and the everyday headaches were gone for about 3 hours. I still get headaches, unfortunately, the headaches are starting to get more frequent and stronger again, and they just haven’t reached the everyday migraine stage yet.
I’m sure I have more issues than this (who doesn’t?), but this is all that really concerns me right now. I don’t like other people generally, but I assume that this is tied to the anger issues. I don’t even usually like to socialize, go to church, etc., simply because I don’t like people and would prefer to sit at home and not be annoyed by them.
Not sure if it’s needed for a second visit, but here are some more notes:
· After our first session, I noticed that it was very easy to hold a positive attitude. This dissipated after a few days, and it was increasingly hard to hold the same positivity. Life crept back into place, I suppose. That’s not to say that the session had no effect – I’m not angry as often, it is easier to see a better perspective (this helps avoid the anger), and I don’t hate people as much. But the anger creeps back in and I have to work harder and harder at letting it go.
A very old issue is the main thing that you helped me get out of the way – the thought that I’m a failure. I hadn’t thought about that specific idea, or feared that I was a failure, for a very long time. But once my conscious mind was out of the way, and you asked me to find the issue, it popped right up. I let that go and felt much better for it. I really think that this alone is what made it so easy for me to be happy – I suddenly had an amount of self-confidence that I don’t think I’ve ever had. Not thinking of myself as a failure, even subconsciously, let me be happy with who I am and the life I have. It took away the worry and second-guessing that rules my conscious thought – that confidence was important. And it was there for a couple weeks. I still feel it, but it’s in the background now, with the second-guessing more dominant. Guess there’s a little bit more in the way.
I don’t recall exactly how we arrived at it, but when you set that trigger (which is clenching my fist), what I saw was my wife smiling and laughing. Beneath all of it, her happiness is what makes me happy and helps melt everything else away. It’s getting harder to see this as time passes (something is blocking the trigger I guess), but it’s still there. The good part is that I don’t take my anger out on her. I’m still a flawed being, so I still get angry at her, but I’m able to let it pass very easily. I don’t expect perfection here, but it would be nice to have this gone.
The headaches – are finally gone following the session it was easy to relax and the headache would go away. I’m better than I was prior to our session. Had a few really bad headaches over the holidays. I suspect another visit will help this, but I also realize that this resolves itself if other things are resolved. And now I have a new, somewhat related issue – ringing in my ears. I’ve seen a doctor about it and it’s related to hearing loss and nothing else, which is fine, I can deal with aging. But I’ll admit that I had a really hard few days – the ringing is pretty damn loud, sometimes painful, and can be very distracting, and after dealing with daily migraines for better than 7 years, it just seems like I’ve suffered enough. The ringing is supposed to be there for some time, I guess until my hearing degrades enough for it to go away, but that’s like 20 years. I’m sure I’ll figure out how to deal with it over time, but I was hoping for some way to be at peace with it sooner and I know you have been able to ease that pain for other people, perhaps we can try and see what will happen.
I don’t know what to say, how to express my gratitude Ryzard, you have changed my life for the better I feel great, I know, only been 32 days since our 2nd season, yes I am counting days sounds silly but for the first time in my life I feel great. I wish I have found you sooner. I owe my buddy Steve a dinner he is the one that convinced me to come and see you. I have recommended you to three people, I told them you book fast so they better call you now. Have a great time doing your show in Holland. I will see you when you get back. Thank you